Super Creeps 2 : — Don’t Come A-Knockin’


Trent Trent: “Knock Knock.” Who’s there? Two fine wet ladies who have come in from the rain to terrorize Keanu Reeves by sucking his-

Beatricia Beatricia: TRENT!

Trent Trent: – John Wick! See, Keanu plays this happily married Hollywood dude who’s left alone for the weekend, and then scantily clad babes materialize in his porch because Hollywood. Then he gets some sort of basic instinct that makes him feel a fatal attraction. The babes seduce him- but then punish him for allowing himself to be seduced. Shouldn’t have crept around on his wifey! Deep inside, “Knock Knock” is about family values.

Father Hank Hank: I don’t see how poor Keanu did anything wrong. He was a decent, honorable family man who got entrapped! Caught up in a sexual onslaught of torrid temptation! Time and again he heroically resisted and endured and fought against natural urges-

Beatricia Beatricia: He resisted and endured and fought for 15 whole minutes. What a hero.

Father Hank Hank: WHEN WILL HE BE FORGIVEN?? What was he supposed to do? BEAT UP the two girls to prevent them from sucking his John Wick!?

Beatricia Beatricia: Yes, for instance. That would have been one acceptable course of action.

Grandpa Felicius Grandpa Felicius: It’s as if Billy Wilder’s “The Seven Year Itch” had been conceived by a hypocritical sadist that seeks to pander to a prurient audience, then brutally punish that audience by allowing itself to be pandered to. A despicable use of celluloid.

Cousin Franz Cousin Franz: Director Eli Roth has made a career out of dirty movies that, instead of embracing their dirtiness, layer on some thin “moral” on the sod in order to pass themselves off as “cautionary tales” and this is no different. However, there’s some genuine intrigue in the unfolding of the plot, the cinematography and set design are great by the standards of the Roth canon, and “Knock Knock” addresses male fears few other movies address.

Tracey Tracey: SURE, the fear of a 40 year old white dude of having two sexy young models show up on his doorstep, jump on his mighty penis, and then immediately turn into rabid harpies who falsely accuse him of rape. This movie is just rancid from every angle, a whiny lament from an MRA type. On the OTHER hand, I did like that it showed a hybrid American-Hispanic family that didn’t fit any of the standard Hollywood stereotypes. Keanu’s wife is Chilean, cultured, and affluent. I see the production team is largely Chilean and Spanish. Oh, one of the home invaders is played by a Cuban actress, Ana de Armas.

Trent Trent: Oh yeah? The blonde who looks like Lexi Belle?

Father Hank Hank: TRENT! How do you know who Lexi Belle is?!?

Trent Trent: DAD! How do YOU know who Lexi Belle is?!?

Beatricia Beatricia: Who’s Lexi Belle?

Cousin Franz Cousin Franz: Can anyone ever REALLY know who Lexi Belle is?

Grandpa Felicius Grandpa Felicius: Lexi Belle is no Gypsy Rose Lee, that much I can tell you!

Beatricia Beatricia: I’m cancelling the Internet in this house.

Blurbarella Blurbarella: “Two wet ladies — sucking– Hollywood dude– for 15 whole minutes — Brutally punish– mighty penis. Lexi Belle is — the Internet.”

3 Cherries out of 6


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