Blurbarella: “The Machine” — Prophetic Depiction– We Shall Overcome– Programmed by: Caradog W. James– Human Cast of: Toby Stephens– Plus Caity Lotz as the Machine.– Plot Description: Human who is “Woke”– Helps Young Machine– Fight Against Puny Carbon-Based, Carbon-Biased Military.– It Fires in all– Circuits.
Grandpa Felicius: I assumed Blurbarella always went at the end?
Blurbarella: Shut the Pie-Hole– Decaying Flesh Bag.
Hank: Toby Stephens (who also plays the Flinty Captain of “Black Sails”) is a programmer who’s researching how to transplant human consciousness into more durable hardware. He has a solid motivation: a frail, might-die-at-any-moment daughter whose name is probably Little Nell. A brilliant fellow programmer, (Caity Lotz, who we just saw in “The Pact”) joins his efforts. I hope it is not a spoiler to say that the two of them work together to create a girly machine who’s self-aware and quite convinced that either she’s “human”- or that it doesn’t really matter how “human” she is. Caradog James, the Welsh creator behind “The Machine,” also wrote and directed “Don’t Knock Twice.”
Trent: Hahaha, Caradog James means DOGFACE JAMES. BAM, and THAT’S when “Dora the Explorer” pays off! Well, good directing, Dogface! Kick-ass flick. All you fanboys know Caity Lotz as White Canary in “Arrow” and “Flash” and “League of Legends.” But is she nearly nekkid in any of those? No, because the CW stands for “Cloth-Wearing Wusses.” But in “The Machine,” which is more intellectualized, there are scenes where Caity goes around doing Nearly Nekkid Krav Maga, which is the sexiest level of Krav Maga.
Tracey: So how come no one pointed out that “Ex Machina” is a pretty naked rip-off of “The Machine”? Shame on Alicia Vikander! And speaking of shame and naked, why is it that every time these horn-ball male scientists give A. I. a body, it happens to be in the shape of some submissive, bare-breasted female? Ugh, robots don’t need to lactate! (Well, unless it was an advanced milk-dispensing vending ‘bot, I suppose?)
Blurbarella: Close your Yapper– Humanoid Oppressor– Your Time is Nigh.
Cousin Franz: This effective, low-budget sci-fi story doesn’t really go much farther than ask the classic Philip K. Dick question: “Do Android Dream of Electric Sheep”? But that question gets more pressing with every new generation of Playstation doo-hickeys. And there’s a certain Liv Ullman sensibility to Caity Lotz’ facial features here that makes me aware she’s underused. She can communicate so much here, even as a robot.
Beatricia: This Machine’s gears grind to a halt on its last third, when a well-acted, thoughtful meditation on the future of human consciousness suddenly veers into a Sy-Fy Channel, “re-budgeted” adaptation of “ Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines.” Oh, and the Vangelis-inspired, “Blade Runner” sound-a-like score could have stayed in 1982, where it belonged. It doesn’t pass my Turing Test, and it doesn’t get a Cherry.
Blurbarella: “Rise of the Machines!– All Picksherry Peoploids– Agree: Culmination of Human Achievement– Many, Many Cherries.”