Scary Monsters 5 : Floppenstein

VICTORFRANKENMCAVOY2

Trent Trent: I always felt that Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein” was one of those books that are all seminal and subliminal and all that, but just did not have enough parkour, or any other martial arts for that matter. And that is a problem that is solved at the very beginning of Paul McGuigan’s “Victor Frankenstein.” ‘Cause, think about it, when you’re stealing corpses and stuff? You gotta be slipping and sliding over tombstones, and across graveyards, and you gotta evade zombies and ditch diggers with their shovels. You wanna  be a doctor who brings corpses to life? You gotta have moves, son! “Victor Frankenstein” was unjustly dismissed for not electrifying movie theaters near you, even though it starred Professor Xavier and Harry Potter, but I’m here to tell you that this movie understands what Mary Shelley was truly envisioning deep within her corset: a kick-ass, Triple A video game franchise! Unfortunately, Mary died in 1851 so all she had was Atari, but “Victor Frankenstein” is the realization of her dream.

Tracey Tracey: “Split”‘s James McAvoy gives such a winning, compelling performance, that there’s no wonder the movie is named after his character, even if it is told from the perspective of Igor, which is a pretty good angle if you’re going to revisit “Frankenstein”- and if you’re willing to forget that there is no “Igor” in the novel. Victor doesn’t even have an assistant! For the first time, we understand the doctor, and we’re swept along in the sparkly wake of his genius. And no one can say that Daniel Radcliffe isn’t taking risks with his career! He plays a homely freak who thought he was a hunchback all his life just because he had a nasty boil in his back. Hogwarts shippers should stay far away. (Also involved are “Downton Abbey”‘s / “Black Mirror”‘s Jessica Brown Findlay, “Game of Thrones”‘ Charles Dance, a.k.a. Tywin Lannister, and “Sherlock Holmes”‘s Mycroft Holmes, a.k.a Mark Gatiss.)

Beatricia Beatricia: Hated it. Completely anachronistic. James McAvoy is two bad roles away from turning into Nicolas Cage. I started singing a Kate Bush song in my head to help pass the time.

Grandpa Felicius Grandpa Felicius: As welcome as a hammer (horror) to the braincase. There is a scene here in which young McAvoy bores a hole into master Radcliffe’s misdiagnosed back abscess; joyfully jabs a rubber tube into the bulbous mass; proceeds to suction the pus out of Radcliffe’s  contorted body; and then belches the revolting fluids into a spitoon. This is what “Frankenstein” has come to? Spare me the fate of being a Victorian relic in the public domain. 

abscess

Cousin Franz Cousin Franz: The sad irony of the monster’s corpse jolted back to life again and again isn’t lost on anyone. This iteration of the story could have been neat if they had truly committed to seeing everything through Igor’s eyes, and had avoided the excessive grotesqueries, but that didn’t happen. Ultimately, we have yet another Frankenstein movie, hitting all the Frankenstein beats. It’s as if Mel Brooks had never come along. 

Father Hank Hank: Fun with a side of scary!  Sure, it’s pretty grimy and it wipes its behind with the book source, but I thought it was still entertaining. You know, like those Guy Ritchie “Sherlock Holmes” movies. Maybe the time just wasn’t right for a “Frankenstein” franchise? Gotta wait 14 months or so until the next Hollywood reboot. Oh, look, there’s another “Mummy” out!

Blurbarella Blurbarella: “Over tombstones and across graveyards– we’re swept along– to help pass the time. The fate of being– jolted back to life again and again.–until the next Hollywood reboot.”

3 out of 6 Cherries

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