Family Matters 3 : Captain American


Father Hank Hank: Happy Father’s Day to Me! With Matt Ross’ “Captain Fantastic,” – the stirring tale of a superheroic father (Viggo Mortenssen) who guides his six children through the death of their mother.

Father Ben Cash is a home-schooling survivalist in the Pacific North-Western woods, and his Mao-quoting children have names like Bodevan, Kielyr, Vespyr, Rellian, Saja, and Nai. The kids are as good at stabbing down deer as they are at pasting pictures of Pol-Pot to the walls of their tree house. When the mother’s funeral forces them south to confront American consumerism, (and meet normal SQUARE relatives played by Steve Zahn and Frank Langella), the whole family begins to question who they are, and whether revolution, campsite jams and random nudity lie in their future. Alternative Unabombers in-the-making are rarely this cutesy.

Cousin Franz Cousin Franz: “Captain Fantastic” was written and directed by the multi-talented Matt Ross, who most people will remember as a troublesome creep in HBO’s Mormon saga “Big Love.” This is a small, highly effective family movie (not all families have to live in the grid). As if the family’s journey wasn’t moving enough, “Captain Fantastic” gets extra soundtrack points for great nods to Bob Dylan’s “I Shall be Released,” Guns ‘N Roses’ “Sweet Child of Mine,” and Bach’s “Goldberg Variations.”

Trent Trent: “Captain Fantastic” is the inspiring tale of how a dirty commie hippie is forced to confront his chronic child abuse. Hilarious! Masterpiece of Cherry!

Beatricia Beatricia: I love how “Captain Fantastic”’s idea of parenthood is giving his kids GIANT KNIVES on “Noam Chomsky Day.” I’ll assume he started with 18 children and 12 died along the way. I don’t even trust Trent with flan spoons!

Trent Trent: Mooooooom, I swallowed my PS4 controller! Do I need another tracheotomy?!?

Grandpa Felicius Grandpa Felicius: Ah! Survivalism! Where the far right and the far left happily collide in mutual paranoid imbecility, united in the absurd belief that raising their middle finger at no one in particular absolves them from their communal doom.


Tracey Tracey: Authoritarian, indoctrinating patriarch ruins his children’s lives? How unlikely. Is this science-fiction? I’m using sarcasm, DAD.

Father Hank Hank: I love you, kiddo!

Blurbarella Blurbarella: “Noam Chomsky– Cutesy– Far Left– Imbecility.”

Three of 6 Cherries


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