Wicked Little Towns 2 : Buried Gem

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Father Hank Hank: It’s 1981, it’s summer vacation, and you’re a successful big-city photographer, enjoying your state-of-the-art Mamiya camera in the picturesque seaside town of Topper’s Bluff. There you are, being all Terry Williamson on a wave-pounded beach, when a beautiful local lady shows up to flirt and offer herself as a nudie model. What looks like a vacation in paradise turns into a vacation in PERIL-DIES!  By the time Flirty Beach Girl is done with you, you will WISH you had been DEAD AND BURIED… because this is only the beginning of “Dead and Buried,” a nasty hidden gem directed by Gary Sherman from a script by Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett, the creators of that “Alien” creature we’ve been talking so much about.

James Farentino stars as the small town sheriff bringing the truth to light; Melody Anderson is the sheriff’s adorable wife; and the town’s wise mortician is played by Jack Robertson, the grandpa from “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” Welcome to Topper’s Bluff! Will it be the TOPS or the PITS for you? Mwahahaha!

Beatricia Beatricia: Ooooh, Hanky, I love when you do your “Tales from the Crypt” voice. Or should I say “Boo-oice”! I love it time three times more than I loved this ridiculous murder mystery that bears no examination whatsoever! If (CENSORED FOR SPOILERS) then how could (CENSORED FOR SPOILERS)?

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Cousin Franz Cousin Franz: “Dead and Buried” is indeed a fine homage to the Educational Comics brand, and to Rod Serling for that matter- although this would make it one of the gorier, less salubrious episodes of “The Twilight Zone,” and in fact closer to “Night Gallery.” Topper’s Bluff is a town best entered without much warning or plot discussion. It’s already too much to say that “Dead and Buried” is less of a “whodunit” (we know from the get-go that the parishioners of Topper’s Bluff have read up on Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery”) and more of a “whydunit” with some chilling gore courtesy of FX wizard Stan Winston.

Trent Trent: Who is Melody Anderson and why I haven’t I heard her sweet, sweet song before?

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Grandpa Felicius Grandpa Felicius: Fool! She was in “Manimal,” the classic television ode to beast-mastery, along with Simon MacCorkindale!

Trent Trent: Hahahah! Manimal! MacCorkindale! Those aren’t names!

Grandpa Felicius Grandpa Felicius: If the hybrid fauna of “Manimal” fails to stimulate your single digit IQ, then perhaps you will remember Melody Anderson as Dale Arden, Flash Gordon’s objet d’amour! 

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Trent Trent: “Flash” Barry Allen, you mean.”Arrow”’s buddy.

Grandpa Felicius Grandpa Felicius: NO! “Flash Gordon”! FLASH! AH-AAAHHH!

Father Hank Hank: FLASH! AH-AAAHHH!

Beatricia Beatricia: Saviour of the Universe!

Tracey Tracey: “He’s for everyone of us

Stand for everyone of us

He’ll save with a mighty hand

Every man, every woman

Every child, with a mighty flash.”

Trent Trent: Attack of the Song-Shouting Zombies! Yeah, so Melody Anderson. “Dead and Buried.” Beautiful chick. Decent movie. Cherry.

Blurbarella Blurbarella: “Flash–Gordon– Enemy to the Robot Cause.”

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4 out of 6 Cherries

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