We Can Be Heroes 2 : Trent’s Brain Gain



Trent Trent: 10%. So I go into Luc Besson’s “Lucy” cuz Luc Besson is the French guy who did “Leon: The Professional” and “The Fifth Element” so that’s tres cool. Scarlett Johansson is in this too, and she might get naked. At the concession stand, I squeeze a lot of yummy butter on my popcorn. What I don’t know is that the butter has been spiked with a weird drug called CPH4.

15%. A moment ago I had only been using 10% of my brain, and the CPH4 has begun to unleash my mental capabilities. For instance, I now realize that the movie is about an American girl in Taiwan who is forced by a Korean gangster to become a drug mule. When a bag of the blue compound CPH4 bursts within her, Lucy becomes super-powered, which allows her to look for revenge against the gangsters – and to seek out the evolutionary genius who might provide some answers to BIG questions (Morgan Freeman).

30%. I make a logical deduction: This movie is not artsy enough for a celebrated star like Scarlett Johansson to get naked. She will only do that in prestigious films like “Under the Skin.” So that will not happen here. Also, I can now locate Taipei on a map.

50%. It comes to me that the Korean gangster is played by Choi Min-Sik, who I have seen before in Park Chan-Wook’s “Oldboy.” Much to my surprise, I can write his name down, in tentative ideograms, as 최민식

60%. I am getting smarter, neurons firing back and forth. The movie that seemed an unpredictable thrill ride a mere moment ago now seems jejune and by-the-numbers, an empty spectacle, an infantile misapprehension of Darwinian theory.

70%. It becomes obvious to me that CPH4 would be 6-carboxytetrahydropterin synthase, an enzyme that has absolutely no relation to neurological development. This movie is total bullshit!

80% Further realization: ALL movies are total bullshit! ILLUSIONS! I am filled with a cosmic dread when I realize that “ILLUSIONS” is an anagram for  “SO, I IS NULL.”

What may yet transpire as I approach the 100 percent mark? Is the Universe ready for this Brave New Man?

Tracey Tracey: When Trent’s brain finally reaches 100% of its power, he may be able to tie his own shoes without looking up the shoe-tying instructions on WikiHow. As for “Lucy,” the flick is a little on the dumb side, (was Besson using only 10 % of his screenwriting brain?) But it’s also pretty fun!

Cousin Franz Cousin Franz:  I find it hard not to root for Scarlett Johansson in this pseudo-scientific “The Professional” meets “The Matrix” meets “Akira” joyride. She’s going through her unofficial super-post-human phase recently: this, “Her,” “Under the Skin,” “Ghost in the Shell.” Throw Black Widow in there too. Truly one of our most remarkable stars.

Film Review Lucy.JPEG-03ced

Father Hank Hank: I Love “Lucy”!  (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

Grandpa Felicius Grandpa Felicius: Much like celebrated French film-maker Luc Besson, I had often reflected that Daniel Keyes’ revered sci-fi novel “Flowers for Algernon” could have benefited from the addition of bullets, a ballsy blonde, a Korean gangster, and a blockbusting car chase. This, as I should alert you in case your brain’s Sarcasm Detection Area are not being utilized, is a sarcastic statement. No Cherry.

Beatricia Beatricia: New Age quantum quacks keep perpetuating this whole “your own brain only uses 10% of its power” myth while neurologists gnash their teeth and rent their lab-coats when they hear such nonsense. There are no blacked-out areas of the brain where your telekinetic powers are going to waste. Facts: We roughly understand what most areas of the brain do. We use most if not all of our brains throughout the day. If we didn’t, I could happily scoop out chunks from that unused 90% with no detriment to your life. What IS true is that some areas are more active than others depending on current activity so that, no, of course you’re not going to be using 100% of your brain to the max in one magical instant because, luckily, life will never require you to sleep, twerk, eat a pie, do math, make love, and run away from a cheetah at the same time.

Trent Trent: Challenge accepted! Wait, did you say run away from a cheetah or run away from a cheeto? ‘Cuz I could never run away from a cheeto, I could only run TOWARDS a cheeto. Yum!

Blurbarella Blurbarella: “Scarlett Johansson is too Big a Star– A Little on the Dumb Side.– But– The Skin– Couldn’t Resist– In one magical instant– Do Math, Make Love.”

4 out of 6 Cherries


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