Blades of Glory 2 : Arrows of Glory

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Father Hank Hank: When Ridley Scott paid homage to the “Robin Hood” folklore in 2010, he started by stripping away the excess, even from the title: no “Prince of Thieves,” no “Men in Tights.” Just a gritty, grim military story detailing how soldier Robin Longstride (Russell Crowe) is forced into outlaw territory by the mismanagement of tyrannical King  John, (Oscar Isaac).

I thought Grandpa Felicius might appreciate a story with such a long tradition, and that it might bring up nostalgic recollections for him, whether of playing Friar Tuck on the stage, or of providing the whistle for the opening ditty in the Disney cartoon from the 1970s, or of his adventures in the 1930s with Errol Flynn, or of reading Walter Scott’s “Ivanhoe.” Maybe it reminds him of Alexandre Dumas’ Robin Hood novels? Perhaps even of some beloved English ballad he sang in the sweet haze of childhood as he strolled by pleasant meadows? Does this golden oldie trigger a memory:

“In somer, when the shawes be sheyne,
And leves be large and long,
Hit is full mery in feyre foreste
To here the foulys song–”

Grandpa Felicius Grandpa Felicius: Is that supposed to imply I was alive during the Middle Ages?!? As for Russell Crowe, he can take his grit and grime back to Australia. Him and his partners in this plodding, mud-soaked slog through the Sherwood forest forgot that it is supposed to be “Robin Hood and his MERRY Men.” Won’t someone notify them that laughter had already been invented by the time of the Crusades?

Beatricia Beatricia: “Robin Hood” is not BAD, per se. The battle scenes hit hard and are very-well researched. Magnificence looking for a better setting. However, these adventures have been told and retold so many times that they are as free from suspense as Robin and his crew are free from soap. Reportedly, the original script WAS a genuine twist on the tale, telling it from the perspective of the Sheriff of Nottingham, who was a proto-detective. THAT would have been something, but the twist was sadly straightened along the way.

Cousin Franz Cousin Franz: I feel as though this “Robin Hood” was a very, very oblique swipe at American involvement in the Iraq War. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe I’m just just trying to justify the presence of this very irrelevant movie in Ridley Scott’s mostly distinguished resume.

Tracey Tracey: It is very relevant! #notmyking ! And Cate Blanchett rules the roost as Maid Marian (here, Lady Marion, which you might notice if you watch it with closed captions). She shows that, even in the Dark Ages, women knew how to grab the arrow by the shaft and lead the way into the fray.

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Trent Trent: Worst. Episode of “Game of Thrones.” Ever. Did not advance the plotline, did not show boobs, did not show dragons. Why you being stingy, HBO?

Blurbarella Blurbarella: “We’re men, we’re men in tights.
We roam around the forest looking for fights.
We’re men, we’re men in tights.
We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that’s right!
We may look like sissies, but watch what you say or else we’ll put out your lights!
We’re men, we’re men in tights,
Always on guard defending the people’s rights.
We’re men, MANLY men, we’re men in tights.  Yeah!
We roam around the forest looking for fights.
We’re men, we’re men in tights.
We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that’s right!
We may look like pansies, but don’t get us wrong or else we’ll put out your lights.
We’re men, we’re men in tights (TIGHT tights),
Always on guard defending the people’s rights.
When you’re in a fix just call for the men in tights!
We’re butch.”

2 out of 6 Cherries

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